Final Fantasy: Big Brother
by Kaze356
Summary: People from FF7,8,9, and 10 are thrown into Balamb Garden who will go crazy and who will survive?
1. Getting There

I don't own squaresoft or any of these characters blah blah don't sue me or my dog.  
  
This is chapter 1 of FFBB and I have HUGE plans for this one, so stay tuned!!  
  
Scene: A moogle sitting on a chair.  
  
Moogle: Hello and welcome to The NEW Final Fantasy BIG BROTHER!! O by the way my name is Mog.  
  
Mog: Thank You, Ah were was I?........... Oh yes! In this show we will have several different characters all locked in well were else? Balamb Garden! The contestants will be the following people: Squall, Zell, Siefer, Zidane, Garnet (Dagger), Cid (FF7), Cloud, Tifa, Lulu, Tidus, Selphie, and Kuja.  
  
(In the background)  
  
You're supposed to say: THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTY KUJA WHO WILL BE THE RULER OF THE WHOLE WORLD!! I bribed you to let me in at least give me some respect! ooops................  
  
Mog: Cough cough That was just a bit of static. Well let us go to the scene were and see what they are doing..... money is good yes..... my precious....... Wa.. What? We are still on? CHANGE IT ALREADY!!   
  
(Screen Changes)  
  
(Zell and Squall are sitting in the van being led to Balamb Garden)  
  
Zell: Tch I can't believe I'm doing this. Sheesh I knew I shouldn't have believed that shifty-eyed moogle.  
  
Squall: Heh. You think it's bad. I hope I don't have to bunk with you. Cause' all you're gonna do is talk talk talk.  
  
Zell: I do not talk a lot or complain. It's just that the moogle said it was for a boxing tournament! So stupid little me had to sign the little contract. I knew something was wrong when he started to laugh like a little hyena. He told me I had 3 hours to pack! 3 HOURS!! I had to say goodbye to everyone at home. I had to get a note from the mayor. I don't know why either but here it is.  
  
(Zell hands Squall a pink piece of paper. Squall examines it and starts to grin.)  
  
Squall: Who did you work for before you left?  
  
Zell: A mailman for the mayor. Why?  
  
Squall: This is you're pink slip. You were fired.  
  
Zell: WHAT!!?!?!??!??!!??! FIRED??? NO WAY!!! I was wondering why he looked a little happy when I was leaving.  
  
(New scene: Cid and Barret are in another of those vans headed for Balamb.)  
  
Cid: Humph, couldn't they get us a limo or something I mean, I can barely move!!  
  
Barret: I know.. I know!! I shouldn'tave had that extra bit of that banana cream pie.. But I would appreciate if you wouldn't hit the trigger on my gun anymore, we already shattered all the windows.  
  
Cid: I thought it was a coffee machine okay!!! So what if I pushed the button YOU should still pay the bills for it to be repaired!!  
  
Barret:!!!! What!! How dare you you son of a #%&#$!!  
  
Cid: ahh @#$% you you #@%@ son of a $%^&!!  
  
(They start fighting and Cid accidentally hits Barrets gun again, shooting the driver, but not killing him because in this world if you get shot by a gun it won't kill you unless you are very weak which the driver wasn't so he survived the bullet that hit him in the head. All it did was knock him out for a few brief moments and then he woke back up and started to head back to Balamb Garden.)  
  
(Scene: Zidane and Garnet in the another van)  
  
Zidane: I like candy.  
  
Garnet: So do I.  
  
(And thats all they said throughout the whole trip there.)  
  
(Scene: Kuja and Siefer in you guessed it, one of those vans.)  
  
Kuja: O WEEE I can't WAIT to go their!! I have all my clothes ready. Ahh yes let me go through my checklist: Spare purple thongs.. check, Spare purple bras.. check, red dress.. check, blue dre...  
  
Seifer: PLEASE STOP!!!! I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE STOP!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ANYONE WHO LIKES FINAL FANTASY STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kuja: a hem... blue dress.. check, and Mr. Thingy.. check. Okay that's everything.  
  
Seifer: Mr...... Th..in..gy?  
  
Kuja: Yep!  
  
Seifer: I don't know if I should ask, but what in Sorceresses Adel's name is that?  
  
(Kuja pulls out a plastic cylinder about 1 1/2 inches in diameter and is about a foot long. And has a little pump at the end. Kind of like the thing Austin From Austin Powers has! Except it's well purple..)  
  
Kuja: See?  
  
Seifer: uhh, what exactly is it?  
  
Kuja: Want to see how it works then? Okay.  
  
(Kuja starts to unclip his thong)  
  
Seifer: NO STOP!!!  
  
(Takes out his gunblade and smacks him broadside with it. Kuja falls over and Seifer lets out a sigh of relief.)  
  
(Scene: Cloud sitting in one of those vans by himself.)  
  
Cloud: I wish I had someone to talk to. O!! I'm all alone... there's no one here besiiiiides meeee!!!! But you gotta have frie-  
  
Shrek(driver): STOP SINGING YOU ANNOYING DONKEY!! O sorry, you aren't a donkey.. but please stop singing for the love of mike!!  
  
Cloud: Sorry...... I LIKE PIE!!!  
  
Shrek: Are we there yet?  
  
(Scene: Tifa and Lulu yep you know)  
  
Tifa: How old are you?  
  
Lulu: Why?  
  
Tifa: Just curious.  
  
Lulu: I'm not really sure. No one ever celebrates my birthday so I don't know.  
  
Tifa: Well I'm 18 I think..  
  
Lulu: ..........I was 18 once.....  
  
Tifa: Why do you carry all those dolls around? I got over dolls.... hey I never did get over dolls!!  
  
Lulu: Want to pet one? Here take this moogle one! (Throws the little white fuzz thing through the air it hits Tifa in the... A hem excuse me... breast)  
  
Tifa: It got stuck!  
  
(Scene: Tidus and Selphie you know the deal)  
  
Tidus: What do you like?  
  
Selphie: TRAINS!!!! I LOVE trains!! want to here my song? Here it is: O TraINS TAKE us FAR inTO thE fuTur-  
  
Tidus: Please stop. I would love to hear it another time though. {Sheesh this girl is crazy!! Why do I always get stuck with the weirdoes... I wonder what Tifa is doing right now..}  
  
(Scene: Tifa is holding herself against the chair, while Lulu is yanking as hard as she can on the doll to get it unstuck. But to no avail. Boys outside are staring with their mouths wide open with drool coming out. And the mothers come and try to cover their eyes.)  
  
(Back to Tidus)  
  
Selphie: Who is Tifa?  
  
Tidus: A women I met at the Golden Saucer a while back.  
  
Selphie: Hmmm.... you're one of those types eh? {Ooooooo I like his spikey hair and his clothes are just so.....ooooooooooooooooo...ah yes he is perfect for me....}  
  
(Selphie starts to get closer to Tidus, then Tidus notices)  
  
Tidus: uhh, what are you doing?  
  
Selphie: O! I'm a little cold, could you like warm me up?  
  
Tidus: uhh.... how about not... I will not get involved with anything you want to do with me... SO STAY AWAY!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
(Tidus tries to escape but all the doors are loked and the windows rolled up.)  
  
End of chapter one... If you have anything to say to me e-mail me at Kaze356@ffextreme.com or if you want someone in this fic as a guest star or anything, JUST DON'T SUE ME OR MY DOG!! 


	2. Going In

I don't own squaresoft or anything like that, so don't sue me or my other dog.  
  
This is Chapter 2 of FFBB  
  
(Scene: Mog sitting on the chair)  
  
Mog: Hello and welcome to FFBB!! This is episode 2 and everyone has reached Balamb Garden. Let's take a look.  
  
(Scene: In front of Balamb Garden with a bunch of those vans in front. Everyone is coming out of them.)  
  
Squall: Ahh how I remember this place.... Hate it.  
  
Zell: Hey I wasn't finished talking to you about that roast beef sandwich!!  
  
Squall: Please go away.  
  
Zell: But, what about that time I almost drowned at the Gold Saucer! O hey cool were here!  
  
Squall:......  
  
Zell: Ah yes, Balamb Garden. I almost drowned here to if it weren't for Xu.  
  
Squall: Hey look, more vans.  
  
Cid: you do NOT look better than ME!! You @$$ hole!!  
  
Barret: You betta shut that #$% hole of yurs before a give it a few permanent piercings!  
  
(They continue to argue when another van pulls up)  
  
Zidane: Few finally fresh air! Ahhhhhhhh..... Hey who are you?  
  
Squall: Squall, are you knew here?  
  
Zidane: Nice to meet you, o and yes I am new to this place.  
  
Garnet: Do you have any more of those Jolly Rancher sticks?  
  
Zidane: Nope you ate them all before we even got into the van!  
  
Garnet: O, oops..  
  
(Another van pulls up)  
  
Siefer: RUN AWAY!!! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!! WERE ALL GONNA DIE!!!  
  
(Zell walks up and peers into the van)  
  
Zell: HE'S RIGHT, RUN!!!!!!  
  
(Squall, Zidane, and Garnet look)  
  
Squall: It's just a cross dresser.  
  
Zell: JUST!?!?!? HE IS WEARING A THONG!!  
  
Zidane: By the looks of it, that guy who ran out took care of him.  
  
SSSCCCCCHHHHRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCHHHHHH  
  
(Another van)  
  
Shrek: YES!! I MADE IT!!  
  
(Runs off into the mountains never to be heard from again until the next Shrek movie might come out.)  
  
Garnet: What's up with him?  
  
(Cloud starts to walk outside, like a drunk)  
  
Cloud: Vwere are ze animalz mother?  
  
(He falls over ,everyone just stares. Then another van comes)  
  
(Lulu opens the door, just so she can get more leg room to tug)  
  
Zidane: WOW!! I might like this anyways!  
  
Cid: You're tellin' me!! This is way better than that guy in the thong!  
  
(Garnet smacks him in the back of the head.)  
  
Zidane: Ow! Sorry..... Sorry......  
  
(Lulu gets it free, then flies about 7 feet away)  
  
Lulu: oof! Yes I got it back!! Sheesh for a minute there I thought she was gonna eat it!  
  
Tifa: Ahh.. Finally some room!  
  
(All the guys stare at her)  
  
Tifa: Stop it!!  
  
(Looks at Cloud)  
  
Tifa: Cloud!! What happened?  
  
(Cloud wakes up)  
  
Cloud: Oh, hello there Tifa, you're looking a.. very.. good?  
  
Tifa: Hmm, drinking again were you?  
  
Cloud: Yeah, I guess so. But I still feel okay, with an exception of my head. It's pounding like a Fruit Loop.  
  
Tifa:?? O well....  
  
(Tifa smacks cloud with her fist to wake him up.)  
  
Cloud: Okay, okay.. I'm getting up.  
  
(Another van)  
  
(Tidus comes running out with his arms in the air screaming bloody murder. He also has a bunch of lip shaped lipstick marks on his face.)  
  
Selphie: Come back!!!!! I need you Tidus!!!  
  
Lulu: Sheesh I never knew Tidus was that popular. Well I knew a lot of girls liked him when he played blitzball, but this is too much.  
  
Squall: Well, I think Selphie is possibly one of the weirdest people on the earth. That other drunk guy was another one.  
  
Barret: Mann for such a skinny guy he sure can run fast!  
  
(Siefer and Zell come back panting)  
  
Siefer: Well that weird green guy was strange. Kept talkin 'bout a guy that was singing. Sheesh that was nothing compared to that... thing....yuck! ewweeeeee....... Makes me wanna puke.  
  
Zell: Whoa! What did we miss? Hey is that the drunk guy?  
  
(Zell points at Cloud)  
  
Cloud: Me not drunk! Me just have a tremendo heada-  
  
(Gets cut off by Headmaster Cid)  
  
HMCid: A hem!! Hello everyone, I expect that you all know why you are here?  
  
(Everyone nods except Kuja who is just waking up)  
  
HMCid: Okay, the rules are the following; No killing, and no sexual intercourse. Unless you want people to see you, well you know. That's about it, and ABSOLUTELY NO EATING RUBBER TURKEYS it could kill you. O and Cid, no smoking!  
  
Cid: #$%&  
  
Kuja: Wa.. where am I?  
  
Siefer & Zell: AHHH!!!!  
  
(They run inside of Balamb Garden)  
  
Kuja: What's with them? O well, at least I have everything.  
  
(Tidus follows Siefer and Zell)  
  
Selphie: Wait for me!! Lover Boy!!  
  
HMCid: Okay everyone go inside. After you are inside, I will lock the door.  
  
Kuja: What if we have to go potty?  
  
(Everyone stares at him. He blinks stupidly)  
  
HMCid: There are bathrooms located near the dorms.  
  
Kuja: No, I mean...  
  
(Steps up to HMCid and whispers in his ear)  
  
HMCid: (In a rather loud voice) Well, maybe you should learn!! It's not that hard you know! O and you were asking about the white paper stuff. You're supposed to wipe you're bum after you go. NOT the giant toothbrush!  
  
(Everyone starts to laugh, except for Cloud, who is starting to hurl behind a bush. And Kuja who is thanking HMCid for the information)  
  
Squall: Let's go everyone. And leave Mr. Potty out here to get more info from a monkey!!  
  
Zidane: Hey!! I take that personally you know!  
  
Barret: Why would you take that personally?  
  
(Zidane shows everyone his tail)  
  
Barret: HOLY $#%&!! What are you?  
  
Zidane: Exactly like a human, except with slightly better reflexes and I have a tail.  
  
Squall: Well, that's odd.. What do you use the tail for anyway?  
  
Zidane: Nothing really, once I used it to hold on to a few things while I was busy with something else.  
  
Garnet: Can we just go inside already?  
  
Cloud: Hold on all I have left to hurl up is a midnight sna- BLEEEEEEECCCCHHHHHH....... Nevermind.  
  
Tifa: EEWWWW GROSS!!  
  
(Runs into Balamb Garden)  
  
Siefer: Sheesh how stupid, you would think he would le-  
  
*SMACK*  
  
Siefer: YOW!!  
  
Tifa: He is very smart so don't insult him. It wasn't my fault he got drunk either!  
  
Siefer: I didn't say you did.  
  
Tifa: WHAT WAS THAT!!  
  
Siefer: (In a small squeaky voice) nothing....  
  
Siefer: I'm leaving now.. by!  
  
(Goes into Balamb Garden, followed by everyone else)  
  
Kuja: Hmm... I... dang...... I forgot what I was gonna say! O well..  
  
(Walks into the Garden then HMCid locks the doors)  
  
HMCid: heh heh heh.....  
  
(Walks off laughing maniacally)  
  
Until next time! Adios!  
  
O yeah.. I don't own anything in this thing except those vans! THEY ARE ALL MINE!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Please don't sue me or my other dog!! any suggestions or if you want to suggest who should get voted off first. E-mail me at Kaze356@ffextreme.com  
O and /kaze is pronounced like this: the Ka is like caw and ze is like zay okay? So it's like cawzay. Good. Please, no flamers and please R&R AND YES I WILL HAVE PLENTY MORE CHAPTERS!! 


	3. Please go to the classroom

I don't own squaresoft or any of these characters.... so don't sue me or my brother.  
  
This is chapter 3 of FFBB I hope to continue this.... Well until it's over. Oh yeah, for those that haven't guessed yet, this is my first fan fic!! Hurry for me!! Please R&R thank you!  
  
(Scene: Mog sitting in a chair with a screen behind him)  
  
Mog: Hello and welcome to FFBB! Well the contestants have just gone into Balamb Garden. Someof it hasn't been the prettiest things we've ever seen, but it's going along great. Now let's take a look.  
  
(Scene: Inside of Balamb Garden. Everyone is walking in.)  
  
Zell: Yep... I know this place like the back of my hand!  
  
(Looks at the back of his hand)  
  
Zell: WHAT THE!?!?!?  
  
(There is a big glob of something no one can identify.)  
  
Tifa: Hmm... Looks like paint.  
  
Barret: Now Tifa, think of the possibilities, where was he and what could he have come in contact with.  
  
Everyone: Hmmmmm...  
  
Siefer: Hey! What about that weird green guy? Did he do anything to you?  
  
Zell: I don't think so.  
  
Kuja: LET ME SEE!!  
  
(Runs up to Zell, then licks the stuff of.)  
  
Zell: Gross!!  
  
Kuja: *Gulp* ahhh hmmm... tastes like.. Bird poo.  
  
Selphie: DISGUSTING!  
  
Cid: heh, reminds of something that happened to my cousin when I was younger.  
  
Lulu: What was it?  
  
Cid: Well, we were having a family reunion....  
  
(Everything goes wavy. Then it shows a forest area.)  
  
Cid: My cousin was sitting with a burger and a bun waiting to put whatever she wanted onto it.  
  
Tidus: Aaaand then?  
  
Cid: And then, a bird pooped on the burger! (This actually happened to my cousin :-) And for an even better thing, it was a she and she screamed!!)  
  
Cloud: heh.. That's nothing one time my-  
  
Selphie: Could we please keep on going!!  
  
Cloud: Oh.. Sickening isn't it?  
  
(Something crackles over the PA system)  
  
HMCid: Hello everyone. Welcome to Balamb Garden! Would you please go to the 2F classroom please?  
  
(Everyone starts on there way, following Squall. They try to all get in the elevator.)  
  
Tidus: There isn't enough room!  
  
Kuja: Sure there is!  
  
(Shoves everyone into the elevator)  
  
Everyone: AAHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Siefer: Uhphramph phum pha?  
  
Zell: Well it's not too bad for me!  
  
(Tifa is standing right behind him. Zell is squeezed into her.)  
  
Tifa: Danget Kuja!!  
  
Kuja: Uwee hee hee!! My what a great time we are having!  
  
Siefer: (in a muffled voice) a liphil heph phleese?  
  
(Cid is standing on his face.)  
  
Cid: Oh sorry there! Didn't see ya!  
  
Selphie: Is this thing even moving yet?  
  
Squall: oop.. okay, if I could just reach the button!  
  
Zidane: Which one is it, I could get it!  
  
(He is lying on Garnet)  
  
Garnet: Do you mind a little bit; Zidane!!  
  
Zidane: Oh, sorry; but I can't get up at the moment.  
  
Barret: COULD SOMEONE PRESS THE GOD @#$% BUTTON ALREADY!!  
  
Squall: Zidane, hit the second to the top one!  
  
Zidane: Got it!  
  
(Zidane uses his tail to hit the button)  
  
Lulu: Siefer, I wouldn't mind if you got you're face out from under my skirt!  
  
Siefer: I can't help it! I can't get up what am supposed to do. (Whistles) heh heh.  
  
Lulu: Stop that! (Kicks him)  
  
Siefer: OW! Okay, I'll close my eyes.  
  
(Lulu kicks him again)  
  
Siefer: What?!?!?! Okay, I'm getting up. Wonderful view there, how old are you anyways?  
  
Tidus: Are we there yet?  
  
(The door opens and they all fall to the floor.)  
  
Kuja: He he! Last one in is a.. a.. ahh I forgot!  
  
(Everyone walks by him. Kuja justs stands there trying to think of what he is supposed to say.)  
  
Squall: The room is right here.  
  
(Everyone walks in.)  
  
Cloud: OHH OHH TIFA SIT NEXT TO ME!!  
  
(Squall sits in the back. With Zell sitting next to him. Tidus sits in the second row on the right. Selphie follows. Lulu sits by herself. And Barret and Cid are sitting next to each other. Siefer is sitting alone. Zidane and Garnet sit next to each other. And of course Cloud and Tifa are sitting next to each other.)  
  
HMCid: Welcome on you're scr-  
  
Kuja: (Bursts through door) Hello!! I guess since you're all here I'm the uh.. dang I forgot it again.... (Stands there like an idiot)  
  
HMCid: Excuse me, as I was saying-.. Zell, may I ask were you got that barbecued chicken?  
  
Zell: (With barbecue sauce all over his face and hands) Under the seat.  
  
Lulu: I do believe that is extremely un-  
  
Garnet: Can I have some?  
  
Zell: Sure! (Hands Garnet a bit.)  
  
(All of a sudden Kuja starts running around the room.)  
  
Kuja: I'm a popping weasel I'm a popping weasel!!  
  
(Then he accidentally knocks the chicken from Zell. It lands on the ground.)  
  
HMCid: Stop Kuja everyone, stop it I can't stand it anymore!!  
  
(Everyone gets up trying to catch Kuja, but to no avail. Then everyone, while trying to get Kuja start to step on the chicken and spreads barbecue sauce everywhere.)  
  
HMCid: AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Zell: My chicken!!  
  
(Zell get's on the ground and picks up what is left of the chicken. Kuja snaps it out of his hand then throws it in the air. Unbeknownst to Barret, he starts to yawn. The chicken flies into his mouth and he swallows it whole.)  
  
Garnet & Zell: NOOOOO not the chicken!! Barret you should learn how to share!!  
  
Barret: (On the ground trying to hold on to dear life.) DANG IT KUJA!!! (Starts to shoot him.)  
  
Cloud: O boy, can I help? (Pulls out his sword and runs after Kuja laughing like a maniac.)  
  
Tidus: Everyone stop it!!  
  
(Everyone freezes in position. Including Cloud who is in the middle of the air.)  
  
Tidus: Can we just stop doing this? Kuja just sit down and listen to what Head Master Cid has to say!  
  
Kuja: Sorry I didn't realize I was being so annoying, I will sit down now.  
  
Cid: Dang, I wanted to kill him.  
  
(Everyone starts to head to their own seats and Kuja sits next to Siefer.)  
  
Siefer: Why me?  
  
Kuja: What's the matter?  
  
Siefer: You.  
  
Kuja: Oh, don't worry I only bite when I am in trance!  
  
(Siefer looks at him, not believing his ears.)  
  
Siefer: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
That is it for episode 3 please R & R, if you have an ideas, or things I should put into this fic. Please e-mail me at Kaze356@ffextreme.com 


	4. Beddy by time

This is yet another chapter of FFBB, I don't own anything blah blah don't sue me or... wait, you can go ahead and sue my brother.  
  
(Scene: Mog sitting on a stool, with Yuffie sitting on the other one.)  
  
Mog: Hello and welcome to today's exciting episode of FFBB. Today we have a guest star, Yuffie from Final Fantasy 7!!  
  
Yuffie: HI!! I JUST LOVE THE SHOW SO FAR!!  
  
Mog: Uh.. why are you yelling?  
  
Yuffie: YELLING? I'M NOT YELLING!!  
  
Mog: Help me!! Get her off the stage; I'm going deaf!!  
  
Yuffie: WHY ARE YOU YE-  
  
(A cane wraps around her neck and pulls her off stage.)  
  
Mog: (Straightening himself up.) Well, wasn't that exciting? We should be taking a look now at what is happening today!  
  
(Scene: The Classroom, still covered in barbecue sauce.)  
  
Zell: Man, this is just like before; BORING!!  
  
HMCid: I'm sorry Zell, but it won't be that much longer!  
  
Kuja: Siefer is looking at porn!  
  
HMCid: Oh, really is he? Well, the only thing I can do is this.  
  
(Siefer's screen goes out.)  
  
Siefer: Dang..  
  
Cloud: Ha ha, he got caught and I didn't.. oops  
  
(His screen goes blank.)  
  
Cloud: I knew I should have kept my big mouth shut.  
  
Cid: Ha, I'm not lookin at porn. Right Barret?  
  
Barret: ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzz  
  
Garnet: Man, he snores LOUD!!  
  
Selphie: Barret wake up!! (Throws a piece of paper at him.)  
  
Barret: Huh... what? Where did the pink orangutan go?  
  
Lulu: Obviously he was dreaming. I personally would not want to hear about any of it.  
  
Tidus: Could someone help me; please?  
  
(Selphie is sleeping on his shoulder.)  
  
Squall: Why? You two make a great couple.  
  
Tidus: What! How dare you say that! Selphie please wake up!  
  
Selphie: Hmmmm... ZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzz  
  
(Starts to snuggle up to Tidus, then hug him.)  
  
Selphie: ZZZzzzzzz Lover boy.... ZZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzzzz  
  
Cid: HA!! Whew that's too funny! You got yerself a girlfriend!  
  
Lulu: That's one more than I thought he could get.  
  
Tidus: Lulu, aren't you supposed to be on my side?  
  
Siefer: Has any of you people heard what Head Master Cid has been saying?  
  
Kuja: I have! I have! Do we get to take a quiz on what he said?  
  
Siefer: NO!! I was just wondering who else heard the warnings that he gave us!  
  
Kuja: Are you talking about that Cid?  
  
(Points across the room.)  
  
Siefer: Nope. Well I guess I am the only one who knows of what kind of things NOT to do. There are still dangerous things around here. So All of ya' betta watch out.  
  
Selphie: (Wakes up.) Huh? Stop yellin, I'm tryin to get some sleep...Oh, hello Tidus! Want to know something?  
  
Tidus: Uh... Okay I'll go with it. What?  
  
Selphie: I love you! (Falls back to sleep.)  
  
HMCid: Well everyone that's all I have to tell you, so from now on you are all dismissed until the next meeting which will be at the end of the week.  
  
Everyone: YAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Everyone runs out of the room. While they are walking across the bridge...)  
  
Cloud: Hey I'll give anyone who jumps off a $20 bill!  
  
Zell: I'm not doing it!  
  
(All of a sudden something pushes him off the edge.)  
  
Zell: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH HELP ME!!  
  
(SPLOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!)  
  
Cloud: I wonder if he survived? I really don't have a twe-  
  
Kuja: WWWWWEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!  
  
(Kuja had just jumped off. But he wasn't as lucky as Zell...... DONG!!!!!!)  
  
Kuja: .............  
  
Zell: HELP ME!! I CAN'T SWIM!!!!  
  
Selphie: Poor guy. Who why did he jump anyway? I thought he wasn't gonna do it.  
  
Everyone:.............  
  
Zell: HELP -GLUG-GLUG- ME!! -GLUG-  
  
Squall: Should we save him?  
  
Everyone:............  
  
Selphie: I guess I should, we where friends after all!  
  
(Selphie goes into the elevator.)  
  
Tidus: Hey! I'm free!!  
  
Selphie: (From downstairs) I'll come back for you Lover Boy!!  
  
Tidus: Quick! Hide me!! Or tell me where the exit is!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!  
  
Tifa: You're mean, she likes you! You should at least be nice to her.  
  
Tidus: You don't know what it's like! Always following me around saying something about trains, or singing a song about them. And if she isn't doing that, she calls me Lover Boy!  
  
(Sits down on the ground making little circle motions with his finger in the ground.)  
  
Zell: bubble.....bubble....  
  
Selphie: I think I might be too late!!  
  
Cid: Nonsense! Watch this! Bolt!  
  
(A lightning bolt comes from out of nowhere and hits Zell)  
  
BBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT  
  
Zell: YEOOW!!!  
  
(Flies out of the water and lands on the ground.)  
  
Cid: See I told ya so!  
  
Selphie: Hmm? Now why didn't I think of that?  
  
Cid: 'Cause you're just a little girl!  
  
Selphie: Am not! I'm a grown women!  
  
Cloud: Does anyone have a twenty dollar bill, two perhaps? I need to pay those dorks.  
  
Barret: Nope, got nothing.  
  
Zidane: Sorry, spent all of my money on candy.  
  
Lulu: You are really gonna pay those losers? By the looks of it Zell didn't even want to jump. Anyway's I'm getting tired I will see you all tomorrow.  
  
(Lulu walks off.)  
  
Cloud: I guess she's right. Zell said he wouldn't then he just jumped, well I think someone pushed him. But no one really cares, except this is to the person: We all thank you to the bottom of our hearts. Well, I'm gonna go hit the sack as well it's gettin kinda late.  
  
Barret: Me too, I wonder who I have to bunk with?  
  
(They all start to head down to the dorms. Where Headmaster Cid greets them.)  
  
HMCid: Hello, these is the list of people you will be bunking with. In room 1, Siefer and Barret. Room 2, Cid and Zell.  
  
Cid: Wha? I gotta bunk with him? (points to Zell. Who is holding his head and doubling over in pain.)  
  
HMCid: Please, let me continue. Room 3, Zidane and Kuja.  
  
Everyone: YAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!  
  
Zidane: What are you yaying about!??!??!? It's NOT funny, and if I get raped I'm suing all of you!!  
  
Kuja: O.. Don't worry, I don't rape.  
  
Zidane: Can he get booted off first? I always wanted my own room!  
  
HMCid: I am sorry, but that is what it came out to be. In Room 4 which is right across from room 3 is Tidus and Squall. In room 5 It's Selphie and Lulu.  
  
Tidus: Uh..o.. She is right next door...  
  
Selphie: (Under her breath.) Maybe I can sneak into his room in the middle of the night and..... (Keeps thinking of what she is going to do with him.)  
  
HMCid: And in room 6 is Garnet and Tifa. Well, that's about it. Goodnight. O.. And remember the cameras are on even in the rooms so no bad stuff okay? They can even see in the dark so beware.  
  
Selphie: Gosh darn it! Why did you go and do that? WE don't need to be watched, maybe others do.  
  
Cloud: Uh.. What about me?  
  
HMCid: Oh yes, cloud you could be with... let me see.. You can sleep out on the bench. We will give you blankets and a pillow, and you can take the bed of whoever gets voted off as long as it's a man.  
  
Cloud: So if Zell or Kuja gets booted off I can't take their place?  
  
Zell: Hey! That's not nice! I am to a man!  
  
Kuja: Go ahead, I would gladly let you have my bed if I have to leave!! It's okay with me anyways.  
  
HMCid: Well, if you'll excuse me I must be going. I need to sleep to you know.  
  
(Headmaster Cid leaves.)  
  
Barret: Well see all of ya tomarrow! I'mmm gonna hit the sack. See ya.  
  
(Barret walks into room 1.)  
  
Squall: Me too.  
  
(Walks into room 4.)  
  
(Everyone goes to their respective rooms.)  
  
(Later in room 3. Zidane and Kuja are talking.)  
  
Zidane: (Grumbling on the way to bed.) Why do I have to be with my mortal enemy?  
  
Kuja: Don't wory, I won't bite! Not hard anyways!  
  
Zidane: Uhh.. erm.. gulp.. What do you mean by that?  
  
Kuja: Nothing, nothing.  
  
(Room 1. Barret and Siefer talking about what they did in their lives.)  
  
Barret: Well me personally was tryin to stop these guys from sucking all the life force outta the planet. If it didn't stop the world would die and just plain blow up!  
  
Siefer: Well, I was against the world. A bad guy you might say, but I still had a heart.  
  
Barret: Well, that's even more heart than Sephiroth had!  
  
Siefer: Who's that?  
  
Barret: Crazy guy tried to destory the world and rule the universe, maybe destroy it.  
  
Siefer: Sheesh, I would never do something like that!  
  
Barret: Yeah, he was a little nuts. Well I'm gettin tired goodnight.  
  
(Meanwhile in room 2. Cid and Zell are well negotiating.)  
  
Cid: Alrighty, go past this here mark and I have authority to kick the #$%^ out of your $#^# little @#$%  
  
Zell: And if you cross the line I have authority to beat your sorry #$%^ to the moon!  
  
(Unknowing to Zell, the door was split in half. And the knob was on Cid's side.)  
  
Cid: Fine with me, I just can't wait to see you try and get out of here!  
  
Zell: (Slaps himself in the forehead.) Dang it! #$% you you #@%^ planned all of this @#$%^ stupid $%^@ idea! You mother #$%^ son of a $&@$!!  
  
Cid: HAhaha HAhahahaaa. Nighty night little boy!  
  
(And in room 4.)  
  
Tidus: Guess were roommates.  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Tidus: Do you play any sports?  
  
Squall:.......  
  
Tidus: I play blitzball!  
  
Squall: (Gives him a glance of death.)  
  
Tidus: Uh.. I guess your not interested.  
  
Squall: 'Night.  
  
Tidus: Well at least I am away from Selphie. Man did she talk alot! And it was just soooo annoying. She just kept on talking and talking. I told her to stop. But no just kept following me around yapping her mouth of calling me Lover Boy. I wi-  
  
Squall: STOP! Just go to bed!!!!  
  
Tidus: Okay okay. Got it.  
  
Bump..  
  
Tidus: (They are in bed lights out.) Did you hear that?  
  
Squall: no  
  
Bump...  
  
Tidus: O.. It could be a monster!  
  
Squall: There are no such thing as monsters!  
  
Tidus: Who are you? This is Final Fantasy! Of course there are monsters!  
  
Squall: You got me there.  
  
Crunch..Crunch.. Crunch..  
  
Tidus AAHH whats that?  
  
( A small hole breaks through the wall.)  
  
Selphie: Hello guys!  
  
Tidus: AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
[I would like to thank Galexy Girl for writing Big Brother Durunia, I used the idea of drilling the hole through the wall for a girl to meet her all-time lover. Thank You Galexy Girl!!]  
  
(In room 6.)  
  
Garnet: So what are your relations with Cloud?  
  
Tifa: Well, Cloud and I are very good friends. We supposedly grew up together. That's too complicated to explain so don't ask. But we loved each other, for a while he had the hots for another women. But she was killed.  
  
Garnet: That's sad..  
  
Tifa: She was okay. But I didn't like her that much Cloud wanted her. What about you and uh.. was his name Zidane?  
  
Garnet: Yes, he was a theif trying to take me away from a castle. Fortunately that was the same night I was planning to escape. We saved the world and now we are planning on getting married.  
  
Tifa: Ah.. Well, I hope you hav-  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
Tifa: O great... That must be that guy. Selphie must've done something. Well were gonna find out in the morning good night.  
  
Garnet: Nighty night.  
  
(Later, at around 2:00 a.m. In room 1.)  
  
Barbacued Chicken.... Babacued Chicken...  
  
Barret: Wha.. Huh? Whats that?  
  
Barbacued Chicken..Barbacued Chicken  
  
Barret: Bar..bacued ChickEN?  
  
Barbacuedchickenbarbacuedchicken.  
  
Barret: Siefer I didn't want to eat it, I just yawned and it flew in there, alright!!  
  
Siefer: (Wakes up.) Wha... What's happening?  
  
Barret: Stop makin those funny noises. I didn't mean to eat the chicken!!  
  
Siefer: What are you babblin on about?  
  
Barret: I know it was you. So please just stop.  
  
Siefer: Whatever. (Falls back over.) ZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzz  
  
babacuedchickenbarbacuedchickenbarbacuedchicken  
  
Barret: Uhhhh stop pleaaaaaase leeeave me alone!!  
  
Well that's all for this episode of FFBB. I thank Galexy Girl even though she doesn't know me for that wonderful idea. Read Big Brother Durunia as well, she is a very talented writer. Well, that's it for this one it's my longest chapter so far (I use Microsoft Works and it says over 2000 words. FFnet usually cuts that down by 200 words for some reason.). Hoped you enjoyed it, more to come soon. Until then please R&R and please e-mail me I am lonely none of my friends e-mail me. Kaze356@ffextreme.com   
  
Adios!! 


	5. Silent Room

Ahh.. yes this is yet another FFBB. This is my first fanfic and it is going along great. I have gotten several reviews and all of you seem to like it. I will continue this fic, until it is over. I do not own any of the characters and some other things like Balamb Garden, so don't sue me. So without further ado I bring you chapter 5 of FFB.  
  
(Scene, Mog sitting on a stool. With Rinoa sitting next to him.)  
  
Mog: Hello everyone and welcome to FFBB5, it's goin along great and the contestants have just finished their first night in the garden. Now as you may have noticed Rinoa is here with us today. (Turns to Rinoa.) Rinoa how long do you think all you're friends are gonna last?  
  
Rinoa: Well, Squall will make it far of course. Zell, might make it through to midgame.  
  
Mog: And what about Selphie?  
  
Rinoa: I'm not sure but I think she should save all that lovey dovey stuff for after the show. Everyone might start to get annoyed by it and vote her off. But if she does straighten herself up she could make it to the top.  
  
Mog: Thank you for you're opinions. If you have any opinions on who should go first or some ideas for the show (like sports or some kind of game show.) please e-mail us at Kaze356@ffextreme.com Now onto the show!  
  
(Everyone is in the cafeteria except Barret.)  
  
Cloud: Man sheesh I can't wait to have someone get booted off. I think there is something else in this place besides us, I kept on seeing things moving in the shadows. I also heard little whispers, but I couldn't make them out. I couldn't go to sleep for a while because of that.  
  
Siefer: Barret was mumbling something in his sleep last night. Something about me making funny noises. (Then he stuffs a waffle into his mouth.)  
  
Tifa: I wonder why he isn't here.  
  
Siefer: Weph maphwe ephe fwill apheeph.  
  
Selphie: Why do you do that Siefer? Can't you at least have some manners?  
  
Siefer: *Gulp* Ahh, that was good. Excuse me. Well, I didn't check on him, but he probably is just nervous about being here.  
  
Cloud: I wonder if it had anything to do about those wierd shadow things. (Shivers.)  
  
Squall: There aren't supposed to be any wierd shadow things. Unless something came out of the training center. But I think that would be locked up for this event.  
  
Lulu: Well maybe someone forgot.  
  
Tidus: duh duh duh....... help me...... duh......  
  
Lulu: What happened to you?  
  
Tidus: (Points a finger at Selphie.) Duh.. help.. Lover Boy.... duh..  
  
Lulu: Well that sounds very complex, something that's from Tidus anyway.  
  
Selphie: Tee hee!  
  
Squall: Oh, him? Let's just say he went a little crazy after the incident with the drill.  
  
Zell & Cid: D..r..i..ll?  
  
Squall: Yah... Selphie drilled a hole through the wall to try and get to Tidus.  
  
Cid: $%#% man thats gotta suck.  
  
Kuja: (Just finished eating somethin that no one else would touch but he insisted it was a blueberry muffin. Except it looked more like a skunk after it got attacked by rabid wolverines and the cruched by a semi-truck.) Suck what?  
  
Cid: ~sigh~  
  
Selphie: Are you saying anything bad about me?!!??!?  
  
Cid: (In a small voice.) No.  
  
Barret: (Stumbles into the cafeteria. Sounds like a drunk.) I DIDN'T DO IT!!!  
  
Cid: Well it seems like he is perfectly fine and we should see if that training center is open.  
  
Barret: (Still sounding like a drunk.) *Burp* Uh.. Hello everybody, I think they finally stopped. I doon't tink it was Seefer after all.... ugh...  
  
Siefer: It's not Seefer it's Siefer!!  
  
Kuja: Were you out drinking Barret?  
  
Zidane: No you dolt! We are locked in this building, with no contact to the outside world.  
  
Kuja: (Eyes get all big and bright.) I want to go see the outside world I have never been there before!  
  
Zidane: Nevermind you don't get it.  
  
Kuja: I want to go see all of that world!!  
  
Zidane: Is it just me or does this guy bug you?  
  
Lulu: He bugs me.  
  
Barret: Sarry Seefer, I coodn't go to sweep because of them.  
  
Siefer: Anyone willing to change bunks with me?  
  
Everyone:...........  
  
Siefer: Guess not. Well let's go to the training center. Maybe we can find out what is going on here.  
  
Kuja: Ooo is that part of the outside world?  
  
Siefer: (A grin appears on his face and he gestures that everyone make a huddle.) Hey, I have an idea.......  
  
(Later at the training center.)  
  
Siefer: Okay Kuja, we are going to play a bit of hide-and-seek.  
  
Kuja: Okay, so what do we do?  
  
Siefer: You go in there and hide someplace and don't come out until we find you or yell WE GIVE UP!! Okay?  
  
Kuja: Okay!!  
  
Siefer: Okay we will give you a time limit of 30min to hide, then we will start searching.  
  
Kuja: Ok... do we start now?  
  
Siefer: Yep! 1..2...3..4..  
  
Kuja: Uwee heehee, I'm going!! (Runs off into another area.)  
  
Siefer: (Walks out of the training center and meets everyone else.) Well. He fell for it.  
  
Cloud: Now how are we going to boot him off?  
  
Siefer: Simple, we just go in there and yell "We give up!!", and if he is still alive he will come and we can boot him off.  
  
Lulu: Still alive? What's in there anyways?  
  
Squall: Monsters. Not very strong ones.  
  
Lulu: oh... ok.  
  
Barret: (Looking alot better.) Well, what are we gonna do now?  
  
Siefer: Well what time is it?  
  
Tidus: 9:00 am  
  
Siefer: Well at 10:00 someone has to go to the room at the end of the hall; were the dorms are located.  
  
Garnet: (Still holding part of her breakfast.) Why? (Then she opens her mouth really wide and eats her fried eggs with one bite.)  
  
Siefer: Something about saying what your feelings are about the other players.  
  
Zell: Huh, I always wondered what that room is. I guess, I will go first.  
  
Cid: Fine with me. Hmm, I wonder what's over here. (Walks over to the quad area.)  
  
Squall: Well, I guess we can't really do anything until someone gets voted off. Well maybe there is something fun to do in the quad.  
  
Garnet: (Grease all over her face.) The quad?  
  
Zell: Ya there might be something there. Let's go!! (Runs off in the wrong direction, but since Balamb has that circle thing in the middle so he gets there anyways.)  
  
Squall: Everyone; the quad is over this way. (Walks in the correct way.)  
  
(At the quad. It is completely different, with a soccer field that doubles as a football field, a basketball court, an ice rink, an olympic sized swimming pool, a baseball field, and a little area devoted to ping pong, pool, and air hocky.)  
  
Squall: Whoa... Why couldn't we have this while I was taking classes?  
  
Zell: (Runs up sweating and gasping for breath.) Had to circle that thing 5 times before I found this place!  
  
Selphie: Getting lost again?  
  
Zell: So what if I couldn't find the bathroom in time when we were still taking classes!!  
  
Cid: You... what? !!!!!!!!!!!! Siefer I may take you up on that offer about switching, How about you trade with Zell?  
  
Siefer: Maybe, except I don't think we can switch. That's what Headmaster Cid said.  
  
Garnet: I'm gonna go play air hocky! Anybody up for a game?  
  
Zell: I will take you on! I rock!  
  
(Later everyone is crowded around the air hockey table. While Selphie had found a megaphone and is wearing a refferee shirt.)  
  
Selphie: Okay everyone it's the finals and it's Garnet against Tifa!! Who will win Kuja's breakfast helpings? Let's find out! Begin!!  
  
Garnet: Your going down!  
  
Barret: Get her Tifa! You can win!!  
  
Cloud: (Dressed up in a very disturbing cheerleader outfit.) Tifa! Tifa! Gimme a T! Gimmie an I! Go get me an F! And finnally an A! YAAAAAAYYY TIFA!!!!!!  
  
Cid: AHHHHHH I think I've been mentally scarred for life!  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Garnet: All right that's one for me!  
  
Tifa: grrrr....  
  
Cloud: IF SHE CAN'T DO IT NO ONE CAN!!  
  
Barret: Cloud; 4 words SHUT THE #$%^ UP!!  
  
Cloud: Sorry..  
  
Barret: And get out of that ...that extremely disturbing outfit.  
  
Cloud: Mind if I change right here?  
  
Cid: YES!! GO AWAY, GO INTO THE CHANGING ROOM!!  
  
Cloud: Darn... O well, I will be back. (Starts to walk off into the changing room.)  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Garnet: Got another one!!  
  
*Splash!*  
  
Tifa: Wa? (looks away.)  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Tifa: (looks back.) Dang, you got another one.  
  
Lulu: Tidus what are you doing over by the pool anyways?  
  
Tidus: Trying to make a blitzball arena!  
  
Selphie: OOO! Can I help?  
  
Tidus: Sure.  
  
Selphie: Yippee!!! (Runs over to the pool.) So what do I do?  
  
Tidus: Grab one of tho-  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Tifa: #@$%! I can't believe you got that one in!  
  
Tidus: Those soccer nets and through it into the far side of the pool.  
  
Selphie: Okay! (Runs over to the net then somehow lifts it up and throws it into the pool.)  
  
Tidus: Perfect!  
  
Selphie: Anything for you..... Lover Boy.  
  
Tidus: (Ignoring what she said.) So how long can all of you hold your breaths? You need to hold it at least for 2 minutes. I have a custom soccer ball here filled with about half full of water and of air, so it stays floating under water. So anyone want to play?  
  
Everyone:.............  
  
Selphie: I do!  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Tifa: Stop distracting me!!  
  
Tidus: Sorry.  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Tifa: AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH It's 6 to 0 if I don't do some-  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Tifa: @#$%^^&$%##$^%@#$%^@#$^@^$%^@^@#$%#$%$%^@$%^$@^@#^@#$^@#$%^$%^#$%^@#$%#@$%@#$%@#$^$%^%^#^$%^@$%^#$^$%^@$%^$%^@#^@#^@#$^@#$%^@#%^@#$%^@#$%^!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cid: Hey! Watch your mouth!  
  
Barret: What about you?  
  
Cid: I never did one that big.... Wait, I lied. I stubbed my toe once and, you know the rest.  
  
Tifa: (Faints from her high level of blood pressure) uhhhhhhh............ *Thump*  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Garnet: Whoopee! I just won!  
  
Zidane: Wait, didn't you win with that other shot before that?  
  
Garnet: What other shot?  
  
Zidane: I heard a clunk.  
  
(Everyone looks at Tidus.)  
  
Tidus: Sorry everyone accidentally hit my head on a bar!  
  
Barret: So Tifa didn't lose after that one clunk, but Garnet shot that last one in after the clunk?  
  
Lulu: Guess so... whatever...  
  
Squall: That's my line!  
  
Lulu: Sorry... Not like anyone cares..  
  
Squall: Stop it!! Those are my lines!!  
  
Lulu: Okay okay I'll stop.  
  
Siefer: Is anyone even gonna try that blutzbill sport thing?  
  
Tidus: It's Blitzball!  
  
Squall: Whatever... We really don't care.  
  
Zell: I'll try it, what do you do?  
  
Squall: (Whispering into Siefers ear.) I thought Zell couldn't swim.  
  
Siefer: I don't think he can.  
  
Tidus: Here; come under water with me. (Jumps into the pool.)  
  
Zell: Wait.. We actually have to get IN the pool?  
  
(Then that same unknown thing that no one sees pushes him into the pool.)  
  
Zell: AHHH!!!  
  
*Splash*  
  
Squall: Did anyone see what I just saw?  
  
Barret: He jumped.  
  
Squall: No no.. something pushed him. It was red. But that's all I could see of it.  
  
Lulu: Wait.. Didn't he get pushed off the bridge as well?  
  
Garnet: Well that's what we thought; right?  
  
Cloud: (Stumbles out of the changing room.) Hi everyone heard everything. Maybe those shadow things weren't monsters from the training center. Maybe they are the same thing that pushed Zell off! Then when we aren't looking they kill us! (Makes that finger accross the throat gesture.)  
  
Selphie: I wish I never came!! I don't want to die without my Tidus!  
  
*Splash.. Splash.. Glug..*  
  
Zell: Haaaaaalllllpppppp meeeee  
  
Lulu: Should we help him?  
  
Cid: Of course! Bolt!  
  
BBBBBBZZZZZZAAAAAAAATTTT  
  
(Zell and Tidus fly out of the pool and land on grass.)  
  
Zell: I have a bit of Dey jau vue [Sorry I don't know how to spell that.]  
  
Tidus: HelloeveryonehowareyoudoingIamdoignfinethankyougoodby. (Passes out.)  
  
Selphie: (With a look of horror on her face.) NOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Cid: Oops, that was an upgraded materia......  
  
Cloud: Bolt 3?  
  
Cid: Yep.  
  
Cloud: I suggest you go and hide with Kuja until Selphie calms down.  
  
Cid: I think I would rather face Selphie than be stuck with Kuja all alone.  
  
Cloud: You have a point.  
  
Selphie: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH YOU BETTER RUN CID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Ding..Dong..Ding..*  
  
HMCid: Will you send your first volenteer to the silent room please.  
  
Cid: See ya!!  
  
(Runs off faster than you can say: Smelly gorrillas.)  
  
(Later in the Silent room.)  
  
Cid: Well I guess I'll talk about how much I am being annoyed. Well, were do I start? Well Kuja I guess, I really think he should be voted off first. He scares me. Then maybe Zell, he can't swim and he is just plain annoying!!  
  
HMCid: Okay thank you for your time.  
  
Cid: What? That's all th-  
  
*DOING*  
  
(An ejector seat throws him outside, out into the dorms hallway. Were Selphie is waiting.)  
  
Selphie: Heh... So that's were you were.. Take this!! (Kicks him in the face.)  
  
Cid: OUCH!! @#$^%#$^@#$%^#%^@#$%^@#$%^##$^#@$^@##$%!#%#@%#!%!#$%^#^@$%^!##$^#!$^!#^!#^!#$^!#$%$%#$%^!#$^#$%^#!^#$^!#$^#^#@@#$^!#$^#!$%^!#$%#^!#^!#^&@$^&$^#$^!#%^!#$^&#^&(#$^&(!#^&!#$(^&!#$^!#$^!#$^&!#$%^!#%!#$%!#$%!#$%^!#%^!#$^!#$^!#$^!#$^!#$^!#$^!#$^!#$^!^#$^#$^!#$^#$!%#$%^!#$%#%!#$%!@$%%$%$%%%!#%#$%!#%#$!#$%!#$%!#%$!$%!#%#$%#%#$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: Wow, that was longer than mine!  
  
Barret: And I thought he said he doesn't do that alot.  
  
Selphie: I'm going next by everyone!! (Steps on Cid and goes inside.)  
  
(In the Silent Room.)  
  
Selphie: Sheesh, that Cid hurting my poor little Teddy Weddy.  
  
HMCid: So in here you express your feelings for the other players.  
  
Selphie: Okay, well I would like to start off with my enemies: Cid. Tha'ts it it's all him! He hurt Tidus and he will pay!!! (She starts to foam at the mouth.) RAAAAARGGHH  
  
(Outside the silent room. Distant raaaaargghh is heard.)  
  
Squall: Was that Selphie?  
  
Cid: ow.... It might ha..ve been...ow..she wa..s mad you know.. @#$^ that hurt...  
  
(Back in silent room.)  
  
Selphie: KILL HIM!!! THAT SON OF A !@#% I'LL KICK HIS @$$ TO THE $@#^& MOON!!!!!!  
  
(All of a sudden miniture EFC's [Electronic Flux Cannon] pop out of the chair and zap her.)  
  
Zap...Zap..  
  
Selphie: (Lying on the floor toung sticking out. White eyes and is spasming on the floor.) .....zzztt.......bzzzt..........  
  
(Outside of Silent room.)  
  
Lulu: I will go next, I wonder what's taking so long? I'll go take a peek.  
  
(She walks over to the door and opens it. Zell is over her shoulder. Lulu looks at the chair which has about 20 EFC's sticking out of it.)  
  
Lulu: Holy-moley? What in the name of Yevon happened?  
  
Zell: Looks like she got zapified!  
  
Lulu: Is that even a word? Zapified? Well anyway, someone can go before me now!  
  
(She glances at everyone.)  
  
Everyone: .........................no.......  
  
(Intercom blares.)  
  
HMCid: Do to the unfortunate accident with Selphie there will be no more silent room for a while, thank you.  
  
Everyone: phew.......  
  
Barret: Uh... what are we gonna do with her anyway?  
  
Cid: Leave her in there!! Pleeeeease!!  
  
Tidus: I'm with him!! Lock her in!!  
  
Zell: Sorry guys, but I think we should put her in her room.  
  
Garnet: I aggree, but is she safe to touch?  
  
Zidane: Of course she is! (Walks over to Selphie.)  
  
Selphie: (Jumps into the air and lands right in front of Zidane.) KILL HIM!!! KILL HIM DEAD!!!  
  
Zidane: (Like a little girl.) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH RUN FOR IT!!! CRAZY MADWOMEN ON THE LOOSE!!!!!!!!  
  
(Tifa runs up and hits her on the neck, thus making her unconsious.)  
  
Tifa: Got her.  
  
Zidane: (Still running away.) AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
Cloud: Anyway, I'm going to bed.  
  
Siefer: Me too, but wait! Cloud you don't have a bed!  
  
SLAM!!  
  
Siefer: HEY!! THAT'S MY ROOM!!! OPEN UP!!  
  
Barret: hey! Wait THAT'S OUR ROOM OPEN UP!! I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP OUT HERE WITH ALL THOSE WIERD THINGS!!!!!!  
  
Were not wierd. (Said something in a high-pitched voice.)  
  
Cid: What was that? Hey, Zell cut it with the funny voices!  
  
Zell: I didn't say anything!  
  
Cid: Ya ya, whatever.  
  
Squall: WILL EVERYONE STOP STEALING MY LINES!! I'M GOING TO BED!!  
  
SLAM!!  
  
Zidane: (Coming around for his 4th lap around the circle.) AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
Garnet: Yo Zidane! She is uncontious!!  
  
Zidane: (Stops.) She is? YAAAAAYYYYYYYY Now I'm going to bed.  
  
(Then everyone goes to their respective rooms, and goes to bed. Except for Siefer and Barret who are fighting for the 1 blanket and pillow.)  
  
Siefer: They are mine!!  
  
Barret: MINE!!  
  
CHUNK!!  
  
(The lights shut off and they are vieled in darkness.)  
  
Barret: I'm scared....  
  
barbacued chicken  
  
Barret: OH NO!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!  
  
Thank you for reading FF:BB please R&R and once again I don't own anything!! Oh, and if you have any questions or comments or ideas, please e-mail me at Kaze356@ffextreme.com   
and I am sorry it took so long to get this chapter up I got grounded so I couldn't use the computer! well anyways thank you. And until next chapter, see ya!  
  
This is: 2765 words long. ON MY WORD COUNT 


	6. The Case of the Missing Person

Yes, it is another episode of one of the uh of huh? Nevermind, One of the funniest stories of Final Fantasy. FF:BB!! Well I bet some of you wonder what those 'things' are. Well maybe you will find out soon enough. But before I start here is some things I must tell you: I cannot write the NEXT chapter until I know who is going to be voted off. So please e-mail me with thoughts about who should get voted off. And with that e-mail include your pen name and a guess of what is bothering Barret and pushing Zell! Your name will be put into the fanfic if you guessed it right, along with you as a co-host with Mog! (If you don't mind write a bit about yourself in Fanfiction.net if you have an account. and send it to Kaze356@ffextreme.com ) Well sorry to keep on blabbering time to move on to the show!   
Disclaimer: I do not own squaresoft or any of the characters in my story. Thank You.  
  
(Scene you know, the usual except Vincent is with him.)  
  
Mog: Hello and welcome to FF:BB and this is Vincent that is with me today from FF7. Say hello to everyone Vincent!  
  
Vincent: .............  
  
Mog: Vincent? Can you at least say hello?  
  
Vincent: ..............  
  
Mog: You were so talkative earlier talking about when you took those pliers and put them in your-  
  
Vincent: (Holding a gun at him.) Say it and I will blow your sorry arse to the moon oh... sorry about that accent. Say one word and I will blow your #$%^ to the @#$^ ends of hell.  
  
Mog: (shaking in fear.) uh.uh...uh... s.s..sorry..uh.. help.. (Recomposes himself somehow.) SECURITY!!!!!!!!  
  
(A bunch of guys from FF Tactics come in.)  
  
Mog: TAKE HIM AWAY!!  
  
1st guard: Uh.. who? Who him og...  
  
2nd guard: This one you dolt!  
  
(Smacks him in the back of the head.)  
  
1st: Okay.. (Walks over to Mog and starts to drag him off. 2nd guard does the same.)  
  
Mog: Hey wha? What are you doing?!!?!?!??! Let go of me!! What's going on?!?!  
  
(Vincent stands up and twirls around really fast. When he stops he is wearing a plad suit and he has hair like Elvis.)  
  
Vincent: Well Mog, you have beeeeeeeen replaced!!!!!  
  
Mog: NOOOO!!!!! IT WASN'T ME!!!!!  
  
Vincent: Well, nooooooowwwwwww oooooooon tooooooo theeeeee shoooooooww!!!!!!  
  
Audience: yaaaaaaay.........  
  
(Tidus is standing were Barret and Siefer were supposed to be asleep. Except... Barret isn't there. [Play dramatic music] DUN DUN DUHHHHH.)  
  
Tidus: (Pokes Siefer.) Wake up!  
  
Siefer: Wa?  
  
Tidus: Were is Barret?  
  
Siefer: (Looks around.) I don't know, I didn't hear him leave or anything.  
  
Zell: (Comes walking down the corridor from the dorms.) What's goin on guys?  
  
Tidus: Well... Barret is missing.  
  
Zell: OH NO!!! (Runs off around the circle.)  
  
(Then Tifa, Lulu, Garnet, and Selphie come out.)  
  
Selphie: Hi guys what's up with Zell?  
  
Siefer: Well, Barret dissapeared last night, and when he heard that he ran off!  
  
Tifa: Barret dissapeared?  
  
Tidus: So far as we know it. I don't know were he could be.  
  
Tifa: He should be right were he fell asleep. He usually sleeps in.  
  
Siefer: Well, he did start up that barbacued chicken thing again last night....  
  
Zell: (Running up out of breath.) Phew.. He didn't eat all the hot dogs...  
  
Tifa: Did you find him?  
  
Zell: Find who?  
  
Everyone: Barret!!  
  
Zell: Why what's wrong with Barret?  
  
(Squall comes walking out.)  
  
Selphie: HE IS MISSING!!!!!!!!!  
  
Squall: Who?  
  
Everyone: (Facing towards Zell.) BARRET!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Squall: Why are all of you guys yelling?  
  
Lulu: Oh, sorry Zell. That was Squall who said that.  
  
Zell: What?  
  
Lulu: SORRY!! SQUALL SAID IT!  
  
Zell: Harry hit Squall?  
  
Lulu: Nevermind.  
  
Zell: He doesn't have a mind?  
  
Selphie: STOP IT!!  
  
WACK!!!!!  
  
Zell: uuuuhhhhh...   
  
Blaaarrrgggghhhhhhffffffffff  
  
Siefer: My slipper!! He puked on my slipper!!  
  
Selphie: Uh.. sorry about that.  
  
Garnet: Hey were is Zidane and Cid?  
  
Selphie: C..i...d? RRRRROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!  
  
Squall: Look out!! She's loose!!  
  
Cloud: (Comes running down the corridor.) duh duh duh DAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! (Jumps and hits Selphie broad side.)  
  
DONG!!!  
  
Selphie: (Shakes her head.) Where is Cid? I want to give him a hug and a big kissie wissy to make up for me doing baaad tings...  
  
Tifa: I don't know which one is worse.  
  
Garnet: Let's ask Cid. (Starts to walk down the corrider.)  
  
Selphie: I wuv all ov you!! De earth shood be peaceaful and no one dies!!  
  
(Cid comes walking of of the corrider followed by Zidane and Garnet.)  
  
Cid: So, you guys changed S-!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! It's horrindous!!  
  
Selphie: (Runs over to Cid.) Give me a kissie!!  
  
Cid: AAA!!! Change her baaack change her baaaaaack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud: Duh duh DAAAAAAAA!!!!.... (He trips.) OOOF!!  
  
Cid: (He is trapped in a corner. Selphie ready to give him a really big wet kiss.) AAAARRRHGGGGGGHHHH!!!!  
  
*SMACK*  
  
(Selphie is lying on the floor.)  
  
Siefer: Hey! Cloud, can I keep this?  
  
Cloud: No! (Then takes his sword back from Siefer.)  
  
Cid: Th..th..tha..thanks...  
  
Siefer: No problem.  
  
Cid: I hope you erased her short term memory.  
  
Zidane: No problem! Now let's see here.. What was it again? Hmm... ah yes. Confuse!  
  
(A whole bunch of chocobos start to run around Selphies head.)  
  
Selphie: (After she had gotten hit with a buster sword twice and confusion used on her.) I FEEL GREAT!!! (Glances at Tidus.) O! Why hello Tidus.... teehee!  
  
Tidus: Guys, I think she is back.  
  
Selphie: KISS ME LOVER BOY!! I KNOW YOU WANT TOO!!!  
  
Tidus: EEEEEK!!!!! (Runs off. Selphie follows.)  
  
Cloud: Man! Am I hungry! See you guys later!  
  
Zell: Wait for me!!  
  
Garnet: COME BACK HERE LET ME HAVE SOME!!!  
  
(Later... In the Cafeteria.)  
  
Siefer: So does anyone know were Barret went?  
  
Lulu: I didn't here anything awkward last night.  
  
Siefer: Yah.. But, I don't know if he left on his own will...  
  
Garnet: (Syrup and butter is smeared all around her lips.) What makes you think that?  
  
Siefer: Well, he would have left a note or something like that.  
  
Tifa: Trust me, Barret doesn't write notes. He should have appeared though...  
  
Cloud: Maybe he is trying to get out of here. That's what I would do if I couldn't even get a wink of sleep in this place.  
  
Tifa: But he would've told us.  
  
Cid: Heh, maybe he wants to leave us all behind.  
  
Zidane: Hey, do you think he went to that training whatchamacallit.  
  
Squall: I doubt it, if you happened to forget. Kuja is in there.  
  
Zidane: (shivers) Yeah.. No kidding. I really do not want to see him again.  
  
Zell: (Munching on something that you can't even define right now.) Phwell, phwaby somephwing thook him?  
  
Siefer: Swallow before you try to talk!  
  
Zell: ~GULP~ ahhh... As I was saying, maybe something took him.  
  
Cid: Maybe, hey! Waaaiit a second! When we were all supposed to be listening to Headmaster Cid Siefer said something like "There are still dangerous things around here." Siefer, what is going on?  
  
Siefer: Uh.. ummm.. heh heh?  
  
Tifa: SPIT IT OUT YOU MORON!!  
  
Siefer: Well uh.. ~gulp~ The only dangerous things around here was that electric chair thing and the..   
  
Cloud: The.. what? Siefer?  
  
Siefer: The Training Center.  
  
Lulu: But what does that have to do with Barret?  
  
Siefer: Well, there are still monsters in there.. I was thinking maybe a few of the monsters came out and snatched him.  
  
Garnet: But why would they only snatch Barret and not you Siefer??!?!?!  
  
Siefer: Are you accusing me of something?!  
  
Garnet: Maybe, I mean you where the only one out there except for Barret. Were you not?  
  
Cloud: I object!! Siefer may be telling the truth! I was sleeping out there before they were. There are things out there! I don't know why it took Barret and not Siefer.  
  
Cid: Well, Barret does have that gun arm.  
  
Squall: I don't think that would be why....  
  
Lulu: I have an idea. Let's try and talk to Headmaster Cid!  
  
Cloud: YEAH!! That's right! He said there was cameras everywhere. They had to have saw at least something!  
  
Thus the search for Headmaster Cid begins.  
  
Squall: Well this is the elevator.  
  
Selphie: Hurry up Squall! Get the door open!  
  
Squall: It won't open..  
  
Selphie: Why not? It was working before!  
  
Squall: No.. I mean we can't get to the third floor.  
  
Tifa: 3rd floor? Isn't there an entrance to his office from the second floor?  
  
Squall: Not that I know of..  
  
Zell: Hey Squall! I got an idea!  
  
Squal: What is it?  
  
Zell: Come here!  
  
(Squall walks over to Zell and Zell wispers into his ear.)  
  
Squall: Hmm... that's a good idea. But we don't have any rope! Unless..... Lulu... We are going to have to use something of yours.  
  
Lulu: You mean? (Looks down.)  
  
Squall: That's the closest thing we have to a rope right now. So start to unbuckle!  
  
Lulu: B..b...but!  
  
Zell: We need to save Barret! So just do it!  
  
Siefer: This is gonna be goooooooooooooood.  
  
Lulu: Okay... As long as it's to save someones life!  
  
~Foomp~  
  
(All of her belts fall off. But she still has her dress and everything is covered up. It's just that you can see more of her legs.)  
  
Tidus: Lookin good Lulu!  
  
Cid: (Whistles.) Grrrr!!!  
  
Lulu: Stop that!! (Starts to turn red.)  
  
Zell: Ahhh... She's blushin!!  
  
Squall: Just hand me the belts.  
  
Lulu: Here.  
  
Squall: Thank you. Now let's go up to the 2nd floor!  
  
(Presses a couple of buttons and the door opens. They all walk in.)  
  
Siefer: I want that view again!!  
  
Lulu: Shutup you pervert! (Smashes him in the face with a cactaur doll.)  
  
Siefer: YEEOOWWCHH!!!!!!! (His face is covered with a whole bunch of prickly needles.)  
  
(The elevator stops and they all get out.)  
  
Tifa: So were are we headed?  
  
Squall: Follow me and you will find out.  
  
Selphie: NO!! YOU CAN'T BE THINKING OF!!  
  
Squall: It's the only way.  
  
Selphie: I..I..I..I don't think I can do it!!  
  
Zell: Don't be a wimp!  
  
Selphie: But that's suicide!!  
  
Cloud: You know? I'm starting to have baaad feelings about this.  
  
Lulu: Your not the only one.  
  
(Squall opens the door to the outside. The place were you can see a whole bunch of forest. NOT THE EMERGENCY ESCAPE ROUTE!!)  
  
Squall: Hmm.. Let me see. I think I can see something I can latch it onto.  
  
(He throws the belt rope up into the air and it hooks onto the side of Balamb Garden. He gives it a tug to make sure it's safe.)  
  
Squall: Well everyone we are ready! So who wants to go first?  
  
(No one even moves.)  
  
Squall: Okay let's take a vote of who should go first. We nominate one girl and one boy.  
  
Siefer: I want to go second if Lulu goes first! I nominate Lulu.  
  
Zell: I second that.  
  
Squall: Okay that's the girl so wh~  
  
(Squall looks over and sees Siefer pushing Lulu up the rope.)  
  
Squall: Please don't.  
  
Selphie: I nominate Tidus!  
  
Garnet: I second that.  
  
Tidus: Why me??  
  
Squall: Okay now let's take a vote.  
  
*Clink* *Clink*  
  
(Squall looks over and sees Cid going up the rope.)  
  
Cid: I'm not up to politics. See ya!  
  
Squall: Uh... O well...  
  
(He get's on the rope. Followed by Garnet, Zidane, Cloud, Siefer unwillingy, Lulu, Selphie, Tidus, and Zell. They are climbing the rope until Cid reaches the top.)  
  
Cid: Wow! I wish I could live like this!  
  
*Click*  
  
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cid: What was that?  
  
(He looks out the window and sees Zell falling.)  
  
Cid: ZELL IS FALLING!!  
  
(Once everyone gets up to Head Master Cid's office, they look to see were Zell could've landed.)  
  
Cloud: I survived a fall like that.  
  
Siefer: Hey! It looks like he landed in the Training Center!  
  
Tifa: So?  
  
Siefer: There is an area in there that has about 2' water. Maybe he landed in that and survived. Well, there are a lot of trees to break his fall as well.  
  
Selphie: Well, I guess we can't do anything right now. Let's find Head Master Cid.  
  
Squall: Hey! Cid are you there?  
  
(A small sound of a cricket is heard.)  
  
Squall: Greeeeeaaaaaat. We lost another person for absolutely nothing.  
  
Selphie: Well.. Let's look around a bit too see if he is asleep or something.  
  
(They split up but find nothing.)  
  
Squall: You think he would be here... I'm going to go check the elevator room.  
  
Selphie: I'm gonna check to see if he has a journal or something.  
  
(Squall goes into the room followed by Cid. They open the doors.)  
  
Squall & Cid: GASP!!  
  
(There standing at the entrance of the elevator is Zell. He his bruised, cut up, gasping for breath, and trying to say something.)  
  
Squall: EVERYONE COME HERE ZELL SURVIVED!!  
  
(Everyone runs in.)  
  
Tifa: ZOMBIE!!!!!!! RUN!!!!  
  
Zidane: No Tifa! What happened to you? Oh yeah.. you fell.  
  
Zell: (Gasping for breath.) Luckily.. `gasp` Is that the `gasp` emergency exit slide was still open!  
  
Squall: That explains it. You and your darn luck!  
  
Selphie: But, how did you get into here?  
  
Zell: When I landed on the slide it shot me back up and into through that window over there.  
  
(He points to an area to his right. There is a window frame full of broken glass around it.)  
  
Zell: And now I am still living!  
  
Tifa: You look like you died several times over!  
  
Zell: Feels like it....  
  
Selphie: Well now Zell is fine. I found this journal!  
  
Squall: Who's is it?  
  
Selphie: Cid's but I think it has something that we can find out that is in it.......  
  
Well that is the last chapter until I get some votes! Sorry, but I really want some audiance participation with this! E-mail me at Kaze356@ffextreme.com  
  
Thank You for reading.s 


End file.
